Khan Noonian Singh (Ricardo Montelban) was a Star Trek character and world conqueror of 1996, but only genetic perfection could allow anyone to follow his advice.
Here are six words of wisdom on desire, revenge, parties, fear and ear worms that would send you to the hospital if you follow them.
1. "I should warn you, such men dare take what they want."
While many men would be tempted to use this line in a bar, it would probably get you beat up. Most women don't appreciate a man saying they're going to "take what they want" from them. It could even land you in jail.
Unless you look like Ricardo Montelban. Then, go for it.
2. "It has been said that social occasions are only warfare concealed. Some would prefer it to be more honest, more... open."
Most people should just keep their warfare concealed and drink their wine or beer with clenched teeth.
Some people do see social occasions as warfare. These people start bar fights and end up with broken noses or worse.
3. "To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!"
In the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) Khan, with his dying breath, uttered these words. It showed his passion and determination to exact his revenge.
In the real world, there are few times you'd want to follow revenge to the point of death. The best thing to do is sip some hot tea and get a massage.
4. "You see, their young enter through the ears and wrap themselves around the cerebral cortex. This has the effect of rendering the victim extremely susceptible to suggestion. Later, as they grow, follows madness and death."
This is going to be controversial.
I'm going to say that trying to shove a worm in someone's ear is going to get you beat up. You can disagree with me if you like, but I'm going to stick with this one. Don't forget, even the world conqueror had three guys holding Chekov down while doing this.
5. "Let them eat static."
In the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) the Enterprise was trying to reach Khan's ship and he responded to their request with the above. In this age of instant messaging and cell phones people hate being ignored even for a minute. If they find out you're intentionally ignoring them they will hurt you.
6. "I've never been afraid. "
Fear is a good thing. It protects you from jumping off your roof into an above ground pool. It keeps you from drinking a clear liquid you find in an unmarked bottle. It also protects you from trying to see how much electricity a car battery generates using your tongue.
Be afraid. Stay alive.
Which advice do you think would give you the most trouble? Have you ever gotten advice that landed you in the hospital?
This post is "K is for Khan," part of the "A-Z Blogging Challenge." We'll be posting something on our blog every day in April except for Sundays. The challenge is hosted by Arlee Bird , Jeffrey Beesler, Alex J. Cavanaugh, Jen Daiker, Candace Ganger, Karen J Gowen, Talli Roland and Stephen Tremp. Visit them today and every day for the next month!