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7 Tips to Successfully Invade the Earth for Fun and Profit [How To]

It's a known fact that Earth will eventually be enslaved by alien overlords. As President McNeal said, "The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot."

Above Image: V: the Mini-Series

So, our future alien masters, to show that some here on Earth welcome your domination, we now present a list of dos and don'ts, along with movies you can watch that help demonstrate my points.

Note: If you're here for the A-Z Challenge, my brother and I are taking turns. Check back later today and thanks for visiting!

1. Don't Invade a Planet That is Covered with Stuff That Kills You

We can assume it's taken you a long time to find our planet and prepare for the invasion. Do some research. If the common flu is going to decimate your race, then get inoculated. If water melts you like a snow cone, then wear a wet suit. Better yet, don't invade in the first place. Its far too tempting for your enemy to dose you with it.
Ex. Signs, War of the Worlds

2. Negotiate, Then Double-Cross

Make it look like you're negotiating a peace treaty, then blast them. Humans are naturally willing to accept a huge army of aliens would travel across space just to say hello. Why not keep our guard down by saying, "We come in peace"? While you're signing all the paperwork, you have time to get your men in position. Then you get us while our backs are turned.
Ex. V, War of the Worlds, Mars Attacks!

3. Take Away Anything That Might Be Used as a Weapon

If you take over the planet, then take away the weapons. Too often aliens take over the world and leave things around to help the humans fight back. This can be anything from fighter planes to tiny knives.
Ex. Battlefield Earth, Independence Day

4. Destroy Military Bases, Not Landmarks

For some reason aliens always think it's a good idea to destroy landmarks instead of military bases. While it might be fun to destroy Mount Rushmore, there's no military advantage to it. Take out the military bases and then knock down the Statue of Liberty. You'll feel better.
Ex. Independence Day, Mars Attacks!

5. Install Security Software On Your Computers

Some alien invasions are undone by poorly protected computers. A highly advanced race that can build rocket ships can surely be protected from being hacked by a Mac book. Kidnap and probe John McAfee for his secrets.
Ex. Independence Day

6. Don't Send Advance Scouts That May Join the Enemy

Too often the advance scout ends up falling in love with humans and turning on their people. Use profiling to find the meanest person in your world and send them. Someone that's a real scumbag jerk who kicks old people. Maybe even a lawyer. Anyone you know would never get sentimental and turn on his brethren. That, or just hold they're family hostage. War is rough.
Ex. The Day the Earth Stood Still, Teenagers from Outer Space

7. Wipe Out Humanity

Follow these tips and your invasion will be a huge success. After wiping out humanity with heat rays and armies of watchman robots, there may be some left over. For some reason, many aliens leave humans alive on the planet. They make them slaves or just ignore them. Don't. Hunt them down to the last one. Except for any helpful citizens of the planet who write useful tips. Make them kings.
Ex. Battlefield Earth, Independence Day

What do you think? Do you have any tips to help aliens take over the world?


  1. Destroying the military bases would be much smarter!

  2. where do we start... wipe out the resources over time, not at once!

  3. I think you've got it pretty well covered. Of course, alien invaders of such advanced technology could just put their money where their tech is and figure out solutions that don't include wiping out entire races and planets for their needs, but who needs backwards, non-progressive solutions like that, right? ;D

  4. Yes, make them kings. No self-serving THERE...

  5. Those are good tips. Seems like you've covered most of the bases on conquering the planet!

  6. That's a good one Tony. Just start with the smaller resource pools and work up.

  7. Yeah. How does destroying the Statue of Liberty help take over France?!

  8. ***Emperor voice*** Wipe them out. All of them.


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