EXCLUSIVE: Jar Jar Binks Explains Why He Sucked

Adapted from a post originally posted on Monkey Migraine Mountain on April 29, 2005

It turns out that not only did the fans hate the little kid in Phantom Menace, so did the little kid. Jake Lloyd, the boy who was given such classic lines as “yippeee” did his first interview in six years for MTV.com. Turns out he’s been in seclusion all these years, trying to recover from the humiliation of that movie. And he’s sixteen! Can you believe it’s been that long? How time flies.

After reading that interview, we sought out and got an exclusive interview with the other most hated character in Star Wars, Jar Jar Binks.

Q: First of all, we’d like to thank you for taking the time and risking your life to talk to us.
A: Yousa most welcome, boyo. Meesa happy to get de chance to spek out.

Q: Let’s start at the beginning. How did you get involved with Star Wars in the first place?
A: It not a long-o tale-o. Way back inna day, meesa just workin’ at Cheesecake Factory as waiter. Meesa liken dat. Makin’ muy-muy tips, so ever’ting bombad. Den dis Big Boss come in, hisen called George Lucas. Hisen say he be makin’ big movie called Phantom Menace. He spek meesa be muy-muy popular in de movie. Jar Jar never done no actin’ before, but me say okie-day.

Q: What do you say to charges of racism in your character?
A: Um, well, meesa not too comfy wit’ dat. Big Boss Lucas, hisen tellin’ me to shuffle meesa feets more, use-a lisp more. Makeup be putten on Jar Jar’s face to make meesa lips bigger. Lucas, he even bringin’ in tapes of Amos and Andy, tellin’ Jar Jar to spek more like dat. Meesa tryin’ to stop, but Lucas no listen.

Q: How have you coped with the criticism?
A: It bein’ muy-muy hard on Jar Jar. So many people be hatin’ Jar Jar. Meesa be seein’ all dat, meesa wanna bury head in da sand. Jar Jar even get into the prescription pain medication. Dat be makin’ Jar Jar all crazy up in head for long time, but Boss be doin’ intervention last year. Meesa go into rehab, get cleaned up. Meesa also be goin’ to therapy, makin’ muy-muy progress on self-actualization. Jar Jar be knowin’ it not Jar Jar people be hatin’. It be character on film. Meesa be knowin’ his limits now, learn to love Jar Jar first.

Q: Did you ever take some of the criticism to heart, try to improve on your character in the second film?
A: Meesa be wantin’ good scripts, good lines. Meesa hire writer to help out wit’ Attack of the Clones. Meesa wanna make subplot where Jar Jar be gettin’ smart, become Jedi like little Annie. But Lucas, hisen no listenin’. He be puttin’ in more scenes of me trippin’ on bantha poodoo, hittin’ head, stuff like dat. So I be askin’ George Lucas, “count me outta dis one.” Better to be not in movie at all den doin’ more o’ dat. Only gettin’ few scenes in Clones, spek only one line in third. Jar Jar outta dere.

Q: What drove you into hiding?
A: Oh, meesa be gettin’ death threats from muy-muy fans. Terrrible tings. Meesa seein’ cartoon where Jar Jar get chopped up. Meesa gettin’ scared. Meesa no like it, so meesa sayin’ bye-bye. Jar Jar bein’ in college for few years, thinkin’ on Art History major. Meesa also been doin’ few independent films, plays off-Broadway, and commercials overseas.

Q: What will you be appearing in next?
A: Meesa gonna do Death of a Salesman at off-Broadway playhouse in September. Meesa also be inna studio, got a new album comin’ out wit’ best buddies Eve and 50 Cent. But meesa be really wantin’ to direct.

NOTE: Thanks to Bryce Moore for his analysis of Jar Jar’s language, helping to get the dialogue right.

If we get enough requests, we’ll post a follow-up interview. What other questions would you ask Jar Jar Binks?