Lately, there's been a rush to make live-action movies based solely on the nostalgic value of childrens' cartoon shows. "Hey, old guy! Remember watching The Smurfs? Now you can leave your sad, pathetic life and remember when you were a happy child watching TV!"
There are pretty mixed results. Some are great (Transformers), others are just OK (The Flintstones), and some are disasters (Fat Albert).
To help producers weed out potential properties for films, here are the top eight children's shows that should never, ever be made into live-action films.
Yes, the Thundercats are cool. The new animated show is nice. How good would the make-up be, though? Is it really possible to make a bunch of actors wearing cat make-up believable? Not to mention Mumm-Ra? Snarf? The Mutants?
Besides the fact that the whole concept is too full of plot holes to support a movie, Pacman is so eighties. No one wants to see guys dressed like big orange balls. That said, the videos of people recreating the game on in shopping malls are hysterical. Keep it up, guys.
3. Ren and Stimpy
This show was almost too strange for kids, much less adults, with its off-color, gross-out humor and innuendo. The show led to shows like Beavis and Butt-head and South Park. Ren and Stimpy was one of the most bizarre kids' shows ever made. There's no way that "Powered Toast Man" could ever exist in the real world.
4. Thundarr the Barbarian
"The year: 1994. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man's civilization is cast in ruin!It was a cross between Conan and Star Wars. Light sabers (sunswords), Wookies (Ookla the Mokk), and alien creatures. Hokey. Derivative. Poorly thought-out concepts. This one would be worse than the He-Man movie with Dolph Lundgren.
Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn...
A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science, and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil.
He is Thundarr, the Barbarian!"
5. Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
"Thundering across the stars to save the universe from the Monster Minds. Jayce searches for his father to unite the Magic Root and lead his Lightning League to victory over the changing form of Saw Boss. Wheeled Warriors explode into battle - Lightning Strikes!"Plants. In space. Transforming plants, no less. Driving from one planet to another. If you get bothered by movies with sound in space you'd never get past the credits. Plus, what kind of moron would want to direct this travesty? Answer? Michael Bay.
The leader, Metlar, can pull lava balls from his mouth. D'Compose turned people into giant zombies with his fingernail. Tendril, a giant plant creature, could regenerate clones of himself. If that wasn't enough weirdness for you, add talking trees, a pair of magnetic twins, and walking rocks, and you have the enough weirdness to jump-start the heart of any kid alive.
This one shouldn't be made because it would be too good. Aside from having massive creatures stomping through the city and pulling lava from their mouths, you have a guy that can turn people into zombies. No other movie would be made for the next hundred years.
Named the 99th best animated series by IGN, it's considered a landmark of children's television. So, why not make a movie? No one would see it. Everyone would think it's a Transformers knock-off and skip it. Meanwhile, the rest of us would marvel over the amazing helmets that lift people off the ground and helicopters turning into planes. Jeeps turning into jet skis? Crazy good.
8. Turbo Teen
Watching a teenager transform into sports car just raises too many questions. What happens when he gets an oil change? Can he sleep without a blanket? If you're wondering what it would like for a guy to change into a car, take a peek. I'll warn you. It's not pretty.
8. Super Globetrotters
A lot of people have heard of the comedy basketball team the Harlem Globetrotters. The Globetrotters were big in the seventies, and so were superheroes. Why not put them together?
Back in 1979, they were cast in a cartoon show as secret superheroes. Each had basketball-themed powers like turning into a giant basketball, turning into water and duplicating. Honestly they were just a lazy copy of the Impossibles, another superhero show produced at the time that had super-powered Beatles. The one that really stood out was the incredibly racist Gizmo who had a magic Afro that let him pull anything he needed out of it.
Besides the fact that no one wears Afros anymore, it's kind of racist to imply black people keep an unlimited supply of items in their hair. Maybe Jesse Jackson. This one would never last a week in theaters before the N.A.A.C.P. shut it down.
What do you think? Could these shows make it in live action? Is there a kids' show you remember that's too weird for a movie?
[Main image source: WhatCulture]
Update: Typos and grammatical errors